Went With the Funny

Early Comedy Memory. It’s a Saturday night in 1974 and the Maruska family is gathering together around the television. The golden child, my baby brother Paul, has probably been put down in his throne…I mean, crib. I loved my baby brother but he was clearly the favorite for my parents as evidenced on bath night when mom would say to me “why don’t you and your sister take your brother from his bath. Anoint his body with this scented oil and rose water and then lay him upon the alter we have built in his honor in the rec room. Then, you and your sister go upstairs, vacuum the living room, do the dishes and blacktop the driveway while your father and I worship at your brother’s feet and watch “The Jeffersons.”

By now it’s 8 pm and my sister is engrossed in making some jiffy pop popcorn, the total precursor to microwave popcorn in its glorious silver-bubble of greasy goodness that resulted from jerking an aluminum pan quickly across a hot burner while holding a metal handle. No liability involved in that idea. Come to think of it, in the 70’s, we also made pies by putting two slices of bread together and filling them with pie filling and then holding them in a roaring campfire barely an arms length away. It’s a wonder any of us survived.

At 7 pm on Saturday, my sister and I would have watched the exciting drama “Emergency” with it’s hunky young fire fighters and EMTs saving people involved in a variety of dramatic situations, many of them in canyons. I would go to sleep on Saturday nights fantasizing about finding myself in a horrible car accident in an unnamed canyon somewhere (Minnesota does not, as a general rule, have canyons but we do have some fairly large hills and wooded drop offs, often around lakes or rivers, so that would totally suffice for purposes of my fantasy.) The cute dark-haired fireman come to my rescue and then, through some bureaucratic snafu, end up adopting me and raising me as a single father who lets me hang out at the fire station as an unofficial mascot. This bedtime fantasy time would evolve at a later time to one of my parents divorcing and my being raised by two gay men. This particular fantasy has come the closest to actually coming true by the way.

But at 8 pm, the entire family hunkers down and comedy becomes the true star, first in the form of the Mary Tyler Moore show. While I probably always wanted to be Mary (what girl didn’t?) I always knew I would be more like a Rhoda (what girl isn’t?) A bit chubby, struggling with love, and living in a studio apartment while working a minimum wage job downtown. Ironically at the age of 46, Rhoda’s life is my life and I even have a gorgeous, stylish thin “Mary” in my life. His name is David.

At 8:30, the Bob Newhart show came on. Although I knew he couldn’t save his way out of any canyons, I loved Bob anyways. I especially loved the kicky theme song and the scene of him walking through Chicago on his way home to his high-rise apartment. I wonder if all of the 70’s sitcom focus on high-rises is largely why even today I crave the comfort and coziness of high-rise living. All the cool 70’s shows had people living in high-rises and that was the fantasy I took from this situation. No house in the burbs for this girl. In fact, when I lived in Chicago myself a few years ago, I had a studio apartment on the 28th floor of a highrise in the south loop that had a view of the Sears Tower, doormen and a small grocery story on the ground floor. I loved having the doorman hail me a cab and know that could easily have been Bob and Emily’s reality. I did not have sassy and funny neighbors however..that has yet to happen in any of my high-rise situations. I did once have a neighbor who would have sex with a very loud and enthusiastic woman in the summer when everyone’s sliding glass doors would be open, literally inviting making you an extra in their own private episode. I do not remember this ever happening on Bob Newhart.

But as a true 70’s television aficionado knows, the crowning hour was 9:00 and the Carol Burnett show. This was the show that mattered. My sister and I would lay on the floor in front of the tv – big bowls of jiffy pop and bottles of Tab by our side. Mom and dad would sit on the sofa and one of the brown corduroy Lay-Z-Boy recliners with their own big bowls of popcorn. Dad might have a cold beer but that was usually only when we had guests. And if we did have guests –they too would join us in the sacredness that was the Carol Burnett show. We laughed uproariously at the characters – our favorites being Tim Conway’s little old man and Carol’s Miss Wiggins in her skin tight pencil skirt and blonde curly wig. We loved when Tim made Harvey crack up and laugh, which is what we all knew we would be doing too. "How they keep a straight face I'll never know" my mother would often exclaim. We were on a first name basis with them by the way. Carol, Tim, Harvey and of course, Vicky and yes, even Lyle. I would run to the kitchen for more Tab or popcorn if the dancers were on – they did not interest me as much. But together, we would laugh at the family sketches, or share in the references of an old movie spoof. My dad would have tears running down his cheeks and we took special delight in laughing with him over the same things. It wasn't until I was an adult that I finally understood this comedy and laughter appeal. Simply put, it showed that we had something in common with our dad.

What’s that you say?

This was the true fantasy and the one thing at that age that we really could share with our dad. Sure, we shared with mom too, but there was more there to begin with. But dad worked all day, came home to tend to his gardens and go to bed and get up and do it all again. In the old-fashioned world of that time, he was the breadwinner and that was his focus. But he really relaxed on those Saturday nights. If it was a really great episode it may even result in Dad shouting "boy I sure could go for a DQ" and then we'd pile into his Rambler for a drive down to the Dairy Queen off Bellaire Avenue for ice cream. But laughter – shared laughter over a joke or a sketch – was the ultimate commonality on which we connected with our dad. And it didn’t stop there. We took great delight in telling stories or jokes we knew our dad would enjoy. At this point I can see that dad was (and is) sort of kooky. He was the kind of guy who could get onto the freeway, realize he had missed his exit, and simply drive through the grassy median and up onto the other side. At Christmas one year when we were all gathered in a circle opening gifts, he had received a set of steak knives and he threw one down to stick into the carpeting to see how sharp they were.

We all loved to laugh and you’d think some of us would not have minded being a bit out there and noticeable but my mother and sister loathed drawing attention to themselves. I missed that gene apparently and went so far as to become a stand up comic. Don't think the meaning is lost on me for a minute. In fact, I’ll never forget the first time my dad came to see me perform. I was at the Comedy Gallery in downtown Minneapolis and took to the stage in front of a fairly packed house. My set went well and I came to a joke I told about my dad, but which was actually based on something that a family friend used to say to us kids when we were young. I set the joke up by saying “My dad used to say to me..clean your plate, it will put hair on your chest.” As I paused before the punch line, my dad’s voice came through clearly for the entire audience to hear. “I never said that.” He got a bigger laugh than I did for that joke and you know what, he deserved it because he’s the one who gave me the gift of laughter and comedy in the first place, and that’s no fantasy.

Unemployment 101

I am not that unique.

In fact, I am so un-unique, that I have joined the many many people who have been laid off from their jobs. Harumph. Even, as in my case, when it's not a surprise, it's still a bit shocking. At it's worst, I imagine it can paralyze you. At it's best, I think it's an opportunity to grow and move into a new, more exciting direction. I am choosing to believe the second of those two options.

I was laid off from a company at which I had worked for three years. A company from which I expected I would one day retire. It was a smaller company and the people like family. That's what I miss the most..that daily interaction with people I truly liked and now miss. But I also believe things happen for a reason and being laid off, while a bit daunting, is also a great opportunity for me to change the trajectory of my life. It's what I needed to bring my focus to other areas in my life and to determine where I really want to go.

It's an opportunity to be proactive instead of reactive.

Do I want to be a full-time comic again? Or public speaker? How can I wrap my writing into my life and make more of a living? What about my passion for clothes and wardrobe presentation. Is there a career in this love? Can I even do any of this? Well, this is the time for me to find out.

It's been four weeks ago today since I was laid off. To be honest, I've been so busy in this time I sort of wonder how I got anything done when I was working 40 hours a week! I have started working on a business plan, had lunch and dinner with oodles of people, visited my parents, performed some comedy, written an article for a local paper and helped a friend style her look for a photo shoot. I'd like to say I have also painted my kitchen, but..well.... that's still to come! I have learned that if I get up early in the day and get on my computer and start working, it leads to a more productive day. In fact, I have a short list of things that I am going to note here that I have found make me feel better and more productive when I perform them on a daily basis. They remind me that I am a member of the land of the living whether I am wearing a pair of pumps or not!

1. Make my bed. This is so simple yet I have found that if I make my bed in the morning (something I admittedly did not do all the time when I was working out of the home) I feel more organized and productive immediately. It also helps to ensure that I don't languish around watching Ellen and the Price is Right because I fear once that habit is formed...well, let's just say it's better to not go there!

2. Wear make up. I am not a huge make up wearer beyond the basics. I have terrible skin so I go very lightly unless I'm going on stage. I have found however, that as I'm out and about right now, if I've put on some powder (I have discovered Clinique's new powder/mineral foundation) and lipstick, I feel much more prepared to face the day. It also helps me to simply feel better about myself even if I'm just taking my laptop to the coffee shop to work for awhile.

3. Wear the clothes I love. Like makeup, being in clothes that I love has always been central to who I am. I've never been one to really distinguish between "work" and "play" clothes because that line is so often blurred for me. But I'm very clear on the fact that just because I'm not going to an office every day doesn't mean I have to schlep around in sweat pants and fleece. I love my clothes and just because I've lost a day job that doesn't mean I'm not going to wear them! And again, like the makeup, wearing clothes that are fun and stylish means that I feel better about myself and that is worth everything in this transition.

4. Stay connected. Part of going to an office means you are seeing and interacting with people. It'd be so easy to become super reclusive and stay at home (see above reference to Ellen and the Price is Right!) I've been very deliberate about going out every day and seeing people. I am fortunate to have other friends who are self-employed and more flexible in their schedules, which leads to lunch and afternoons spent together. I call people daily and go out per usual in the evening. I feel connected to my community and that's because I am.

These are just some really simple things I have found during this transition. I'm excited to see where this road leads and will keep you posted. Thanks for reading!

Irony is a Situation Best Served in New York

Am I the only one who sees the incredible irony in the state of New York killing a bill that would have legalized gay marriage while at the same time, the news is buzzing over Tiger Wood’s supposed marital indiscretion?

According to CNN.com, Senator Ruben Diaz opposed the bill and called on Republicans to defend “traditional values.”

Get off your high horse Sen. Diaz.

What would Sen. Diaz say about Tiger Woods? How about Tiger’s corporate sponsors? They seem to be standing behind him at this point, and why wouldn’t they? Maybe Tiger gets a pass under that old standby excuse, “boys will be boys.”

Look at our recent obsession with the trials and tribulations of Jon and Kate Goslin. They are a great sound bite for “traditional values” don’t you think Sen. Diaz?

Another irony of all of this is actress Meredith Baxter's announcement yesterday that she is a lesbian. She was married three times, has five children and one of her most well-known roles was as the earthy mother in "Family Ties." What a delicious twist of reality.

The bottom line is this. “Straight marriage” is not an automatic pass to morality and goodness for Tiger Woods, Meredith Baxter, or anyone else. A certain few don't get to own "traditional values" for themselves. When will we realize that love comes in many shapes and sizes and that to support this would be the greatest human response we could provide?

The First Step in a Wardrobe Journey

Photo: Me, Brenda and fellow friend and diva, Rox!

I am always suprised when women don't share my passion for style and fashion! But alas, some people don't know their princess seams from their empire waists! As a plus size woman, I also know this is the reality for many of us. We have been told that we are not deserving of stylish, well made clothing. We have bought into the myth that we are not worthy of feeling great in what we wear and to not expect to wear anything we absolutely love...until we lose weight. That infuriates me and quite honestly, I don't buy into it at all. I have a closet full of size 22 clothes that I absolutely love and I want every woman - no matter what size - to feel the same way. As I've said earlier in this blog - life is too short to wear ugly clothes!

That said, I have spent the last two days with my dear friend Brenda helping her both clean her closet out to make room for new clothes, and also in doing some shopping. Brenda is an incredible woman; she is a cancer survivor, mother, wife, author, stand up comic and national keynote speaker. Accomplished and sucessful. And yet, she is without clothes that she feels great in. I'm trying to help her change that and over the last two days, we made incredible progress.

There was an impetus for this. Brenda has a photo shoot for a publication that requested very certain looks for her. Ok. Easy enough. But she has also lost some weight and has nothing that fits. Also easy enough. And finally, she had to cleanout an incredible amount of clothing to make room for some new pieces and the challenge here is to find her some looks that will transition with her as she continues to lose, and to also provide her with some looks that are stylish and deliberate, as well as comfortable and easy to wear. Brenda told me how she has always done alot of desperation shopping and has ended up with loads of clothing that doesn't work for for her. I told her we were going to organize her to a place where she would never have to do that again. Where she would have a really clear idea of what she had in her closet and what her needs will be in the future.

I will be posting this story and Brenda's journey here. Watch for more to come soon!

Women's Day of Wellness

If you are in the Twin Cities, I am speaking at a Women's Day of Wellness at the Sabes Jewish Community Center on Sunday November 1. I love that they are including my talk on body acceptance as part of a day of wellness as I think it really illustrates how people are understanding the fact that accepting who we are is the key to feeling good and being healthy in our bodies. It promises to be a really great day and I am totally I would love to see you there. Check out this link for more details as the brochure did not appear too well when I put it into this post!

https://www.sabesjcc.org

If it's Thursday it Must be Gray!

This sweater set is yesterday's on-line purchase from Nordstrom. Eileen Fisher. Both pieces. On sale. Heaven. I am giving a key note address at a women's day of wellness next week and want to wear this with flared black trousers and my black boots from Cole Haan. Add a fantastic necklace perhaps or a really awesome scarf. I'm in love with the simplicity.

Thoughts About Fat and Judgement

I started this blog because I love clothes. I am a fat woman and I love clothes. And with all my heart I believe that being fat and not falling into the fashion world's ideal of "acceptable" means that dressing with any sort of style or flair is a revolutionary act. After all, we are not expected to look good. We're fat. Aren't we supposed to be schlepping around in sloppy sweats because we're too lazy, fat, tired, ashamed, etc.. to even make an effort to look good?

But this blog has exposed me to the fatosphere and a world of health at any size and body acceptance. I am bombarded with news and stories and this week has been a particularly busy one in the fatosphere and the world of fat judgement as a whole. As a sampling, there is the whole "barbie having fat ankles" situation from shoe designer Christian Louboutin. There is the Jessica Simpson fat joke as seen in a Burger King ad. There was a news story about an obese child possibly being removed from his household by Child and Family Services in Florida as being obese is obviously a means of abuse. We are criminalizing being fat and where does that stop?

Pretty soon we'll be able to be pulled over and ticketed for driving while not on weight watchers.

I read an article by Megan McCain about how people are always commenting on her weight and making jokes. There is a man running for Governor in New Jersey who is fat and who is having his weight used against him as pointing him out as obviously undisciplined enough to run the state.

Is it my imagination, or are we just becoming meaner?

The fatosphere has opened my eyes to a variety of outlets and people who really get that to be fat is one way to live in this world. There are many ways to live, all of them with merit and the ability to live life fully and generously. Being fat should not, and will not, be a morality judgement in my life. Nor does it mean that I am less than anyone; that I am any less attractive or worthy as a person or a woman. I realize that not every man will be attracted to me. That's fine. I'm not attracted to every man. I realize that many people are going to judge me about my weight and that is fine too because you know what? I don't know those people and quite frankly, their opinions of me don't matter. I've seen alot of hatred and judgement from people who hide anonymously behind the Internet and their ability to post words that are mean and full of bile. Life is too short to be so angry at people that you are never going to change and quite honestly, I direct that to both sides of the coin. You are not expected to try to change me just as I know I'm not going to change your mind. That's ok because all you haters and meanies, I'm not giving you any more of my attention. Will they still be there? Of course. And I'll see their words and hear their words - but it doesn't mean I have to live their words. That's their reality.

This is mine:

1. I am a woman.
2. I am a daughter.
3. I am a sister.
4. I am an aunt.
5. I am a friend.
6. I am a stand up comic and writer.
7. I am creative and funny.
8. I am stylish.
9. I am occasionally grumpy and blue.
10. I am usually happy and content.
11. I am someone who loves to be in love.
12. I am open minded.
13. I am compassionate.
14. I am kind.
15. I am loyal.
16. I am 46 years old.
17. I am a city girl through and through.
18. I am an employee.
19. I am a cat owner.
20. I am unique and I am loved.